if you must know, im feeling emotionally low. i don't know what is still left for me, what's there in store for me. im really afraid to face up; to look at everything and smile, pretending everything is on track.

i tried to get the basic message across but it just didn't reach you. i tried so hard to hold on to everything but it just came falling apart; shattering into pieces and leave me all alone to pick up the broken pieces. i tried to forgive &forget; to get back on my two feet and walk on, but i can't. i tried to hold on to the good old times we once had, but all it reminds me is how deep you've hurt me. i tried and still am trying, but i cant see the point in trying. frankly, no one gives a shit.

as i sit and read those words, i couldn't help holding back my tears; yet i didn't want people to know im sucha pussy. those strength and courage that i once had, where have they gone to? when i look at you, all those words that i longed to share it with you suddenly got stuck at the back of my teeth, refuse to come out. but when you're away, there's like sooo many things i want to share it with you till i don't know where to start/begin. do you even have any idea how much you mean to me?

maybe god has it all planned; for me and you. i won't argue much, but i just want you to know that ego doesn't bring you to anywhere far. in years to come, i don't want to be the one who tell our children about their ego father.

looking through all the pictures of me and you, i cant help thinking and feeling as if they're laughing at me, mocking at me; as if they conspired with god to make me feel more heartpain.

i know your true self will be back in a week or two; i wont keep lying to myself that i don't love you, because i do.

& i want to be the last one to tell you that i love you more than anything else.





all i want is you to change for a better person, will you do that for me?