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Saturday, July 15, 2006 12:32 AM ;||*enduring is part of me*|| suddenly i just feel the urge to see a doctor tomorrow morning for a checkup. something is so not right with my stomach. at one moment, i'll feel hungry but the appetite is just not there and at another moment, i feel like vomiting out all the food ive consumed or at times, my stomach will just grumble so hard that i could have sworn it sounded like a spoilt washing machine; which is bad ofcourse. and mind you, this has been going on since the first day of the week and it gets pretty much irritating and at the same time, sickening. so im flat broke till next Saturday. i have only 4 pathetic bucks with me and i wish i could buy happiness with it if it is ever enough, ha! times when im broke, everything is so eye-catching and i just feel the urge to splurge with my whining. but times when im just 300bucks richer, everything is so dull and boring. i hate that feeling, who wouldn't right? frankly, im feeling at the verge of giving up and not in roughly equal measures. when everyone says it's normal to feel that way during your year3 period, i know it's my fault; my tendency to be lazy at times. i hate to give up, but i also hate trying to endure. everything is too fast; too fast-moving, i cannot keep up with the pace. i am seriously not accustomed to such stress, if you must know. once, i felt as though i took up the wrong course and landed myself in trouble (which i still feel up till now) and getting myself in a wrong course is like an indication that a stress bom will explode on me any minute and will just let me suffer all alone till i die. maybe i should start doing things that i like, for example arts or anything to do with designing. then i can start seeing the good side of me, or rather at least i can feel great about living in this world; something to worth for. i feel like kjhkhfbsajl right now. don't ask me why, you don't wish to know seriously. i just want to be who i am and be true to every single thing that i do but i feel as though there's this thick barrier that's stopping me from veering towards unregretful stuffs. and just when i feel im near, it ends even before i could endure the thankful feelings. frankly right now, i can jot down a couple of individuals that never fail to make me smile and make me feel as if im worth for the day. those are the people i don't regret nurturing a friendship with. and well, i miss him. =) That's It For Today. Goodbye.
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