basically, school really sucks especially when you received a personal message sent to your phone by your course manager as early as 10am, saying that, "Hi, IFC course manager would like to see you tomorrow. Details are attached to your e-mail." &then, i got a scolding from preetyboy. dirah, why like that one? sigh.

yesterday night was yet another torturing night for me not until i found out something which could let me sleep without bringing any thoughts along to bed that is, to stuff both my ears with mp3. but one thing for sure, i couldn't stop the temptation of setting only sappy, love songs on repeat mode. i want to stop relying on sleeping pills which don't do good to my body. i finally fell asleep near to midnight when my cat jumped on my bed at 330 in the morning and started kissing all over my face which of course, woke me up. he's so cute like...omg.

i turned to my phone on the right &stared at the blank screen. no missed calls, no messages. oh well. slowly, i could feel those tears starting to fill my eyes and this is one of the reason why i hate night time. don't ask me why im like this; just maybe im under a lot of pressure. i want to cry so bad but i was too afraid that i might wake my little sis up &soon, i fell asleep again. 30 minutes later, i woke up in real tears because i just had yet another bad, bad dream. will all those bad dreams please spare me? i want to sleep peacefully like any other girls. =(

i left preetyboy more than 10 missed calls and a message, hoping to feel all good after hearing his voice. sadly, he slept like a log. an hour later, he returned my call &i was already full of tears. i could feel how swollen my eyes were at that moment of time. i barely hear my own voice &i badly want to get out of the house and be hugged. you don't know how bad those dreams and feelings were. it's tearing me apart that i can't feel myself in the real world anymore. yes, you've gone through the same pain as i am now but it's a total different thing cause i was always there to give you support, encouragement and assurance. this time around, i got nothing (read: nothing)...

...except for a choice to make; to continue feeling ever-so fucked up or get up and be strong.

to top it all, breakfast just now with preetyboy over at Downtown's MacDonald finally managed to let me carve a smile on my face with those swollen eyes. if only i could type down an exact word of how much i love preetyboy.

but you know what? that was a nice start for today &i feel good again, for once. =)