just like the weather, i haven't been feeling all good at all. i hate the raining season because it kind of take away all my happy/good moments &i hate to be stuck at home facing the four walls. i was supposed to meet them bloggers at 6pm yesterday but i can't feel the exact excitement i felt days before yesterday. just like what my heart said - "at that very moment of time when you meet the girlfriends, you'll smile and laugh but the moment you turned to your back, at that very instant you realised it didn't solve anything. you are still left feeling ever so helpless." i just couldn't agree more.
so i went to meet another girlfriend who basically knows every single downright shit im feeling.
she seems to understand me more than anyone else, maybe because she had spent 7years of her life with a lesson-to-learnt kind of thing. funny why she looked down on the same person i looked down on, throwing all sort of profanities that came into our mind and ended up feeling all satisfied but again, for what fuck? and just yesterday, we came to a nice conclusion - immature is the word and provoke is the second word.
seriously, how long more do you want me to feel this way? im not enjoying every bits of this feeling; in other words you've won the game &that's just a fact of life. you either win or lose.
i laid on my bed yesterday night staring at the ceiling. nothing was on my mind but my heart was tearing itself into pieces. the impact was so hard that i could feel the extreme pain. if i could cry a bucket, i would but i was too weak for that. i stayed awake till 2 in the morning, thinking of what i should do to make my life stop being so miserable like that. i missed those times when i used to work as a sales promoter and got home near to midnight which left me drained of energy and all i wanted to do was catch up on my sleep &only woke up when my alarm clock rang. because now, i am tired of tossing in bed, waiting for my eyes to shut by itself.
talked on the phone with preetyboy about how bad my studies are right now. i told him, at this rate im going, i can't graduate on time and he gave me words of encouragement that it's normal to do badly in the term test because you just started to get a hang of those new subjects. and then we went on &he left me thinking for the whole night.
"if you don't want to help yourself, no one can help you."
i woke up in the morning finding myself to be greeted with his goodmorning message. it made me smile with these watery eyes from sleep. i placed my phone on my stomach and made a new promise that, i want to leave all those bad feelings behind and start a new chapter because i know i still have preetyboy to make my life a whole lot better.. and then i fell asleep. i woke up again at 12 and i can feel my heart smiling. =)
just now during brunch, i sat on the chair at the dining table facing the window and looked out as i ate my Chicken Pie that momma made for me. like finally, all the energy came rushing back to me to start afresh. i was convinced that a new chapter in my life is about to begin because im turning twenty this year which means, it's time for me to settle down and take up the hairdressing course that ive been waiting for after my diploma. it's just a matter of time.
&ever since school resumed, i have been tied down with projects, assignments and reports for the major project. it sucks pretty well but im not the kind who gave up halfway and pursue for another thing. opposite sex isn't everything, it's the cert you're running for that write the journey of your life, if you get what i mean.
for now, let me have some good time with preetyboy.
