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Wednesday, August 23, 2006 11:15 AM ;good things stay at home; bad things wander around gorgeous, never did i imagine that true friends will tell you if there's spinach stuck in between your teeth. somehow, you moved me to somewhere there are lights everywhere - lights of repentant. although on the other hand, it felt as though things are resurfacing back &that all i do was..nothing. denying is never a solution; people still talk about it. initially, it didn't really bother me a lot cause all these people who couldn't stop themselves from talking aren't those who are close to me. in other words, it didn't really matter to me. but after yesterday, i knew i shouldn't just sit &wait for miracles to happen. it's getting out of hand and im left confused. things happen for a reason. she came up to you for a reason. i became paranoid for a reason. she chose you among all my other friends for a reason. everything happens for a goddamnit reason. but it left me to wonder - what are the benefits? times i underestimate the beauty of life, the people around me and even the slightest yet honest advice from someone. maybe, i just need some time alone and stop thinking too much; it didn't help at all. people don't exactly think the way i think; they don't see things the way i see things. i might be taking things easily, but all they know was that im in the middle of toying with someone's feelings. &the next moment, bam! right to your face of how pathetic i am. fact is, i don't run away from everything - i put a hold to everything. i don't need people to love me, to adore me. and i always have trusting issues with all my friends. like ive said: i don't trust people for a reason. i don't want to go around deciding who is worth my trust at the end of the day. plus i don't want to be left disappointed the next morning. you get what i mean? i hate at the thought of making life difficult for my friends. i don't want to go around feeling awkward looking at the ones close to me. then again, in the end im the one who is left hurt &all i do is to make happy things for my friends; what's the point? i used to stand up for every right i think i deserved; i used to be that strong and cheerful girl; i used to handle all the obstacles with so much confidence. well done dirah, it's time for me to make a comeback &time for me to leave everything behind. in the process, everyone's going to get hurt. i know. gorgeous said this to me yesterday: good things stay at home, bad things wander around. i gave up thinking after 2am and just sleep off my hurt feelings. &this morning, i still feel equally hurt. i don't want to continue feeling hurt, just give me a week or two and i will be fine. im a tough kid when it comes to handling my matters. thankyouverymuch. That's It For Today. Goodbye.
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