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Monday, March 05, 2007 12:05 PM ;a glass bottle of mixed feelings very true. my mixed feelings of anger, frustrated, hatred, pissed off and whatever synonyms you have there are all stuck in a solid glass bottle &im not okay. i want to vent out all those mixed feelings so much but i know, the more i try, the more hurtful it gets. &sadly, no one understands anything. as far as i know, it wasn't some kind of a joke nor just words that came out from a certain mouth just because one was in anger. i don't, i don't say such nasty stuffs in a midst of anger. it adds up when you woke up today and pretended nothing happened yesterday. &you called me at 5 in the morning for some sweet words which you think i will fell for and melt like nobody's business. try harder, cause im not. i am never going to fit my attitude into yours because i don't see a good fucking reason for it. rightt, it takes two hands to clap &we'll see it takes how many times my heart will be mended until you really know that im suffering from heart pain. anyway, i was out alone with the parents yesterday to finally visit an aunt who has been hospitalized since 11days ago. she's suffering from high blood pressure which steals the vision from her left eye. i sat beside her &listened to whatever that came out from her mouth, basically the cause of her high blood pressure. she told me it was due to her keeping all those mixed feelings (that i stated in the very first sentence) until it came to a point that she fainted. initially, it scared the shit out of me but seriously, girls/women are weak at heart &that is a good note for guys. when we say we're hurt, we're not trying to be emotional or something like that. WE ARE HURT FOR MOTHERFUCKINGREAL. and then, my aunt asked dad on how to cope such stress which he replied, "take a bath &sleep in a very dark room." i very much wanted to stand up and go "ARE YOU SERIOUS??". maybe that's the reason why dad always take a bath before sleeping. okay, diam la. and yes, i promised a friend that i will blog about this because im a girl &girl will always stand up for the right things. as if. anyway, i happened to friendster-hopped to someone's (shut up, i won't reveal her name because..you'll know why later) profile and goddamnit, i could instantly feel the rushing liquid cum solid (read: vomit) waiting to reach the throat. i swear, what is this cheap girl thinking when she put up a picture of her trying so hard to show everyone how bending low can actually make your breasts look big and bulging? the sad part is, i doubt her bf knows about her putting up such picture &i don't care what her bf has yet to say. in either way, how do you exactly define the sentence "you're better than everyone else"? at least, if you're not worried about selling your body over the internet, spare a thought for girls out there who still believe in the word 'dignity'. maybe if you still insist on putting up such cheap picture, please choose a different site apart from friendster. urgh, your doings make us feel equally cheap, alright? tell me, how different do people now workship the grounds you walk from us? the price for fame? oh, bloody hell. listen, i gave a space in today's entry for the entire unnecessary paragraph above just because i think she's an avid reader of my blog. &look, im not trying to hurt you or find fault with you but seriously, if you can see the good side of me on why i wrote such stuff, then good. if not, you can just leave without saying anything okay? alright, i don't feel like typing anymore because i realised, it requires too much of words/feelings from my heart which at the moment, i don't want to talk about. i rather go out today to enjoy the beach scenery &hopefully an angel will sit beside me and accompany my entire day. bah, good morning beautiful angels. That's It For Today. Goodbye.
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