2006 Ndp fireworks

im glad that finally i've found my true friends. i don't mind going around telling people that "oh, these two girls are my good friends." they know me better and they respect me very well. i guess friendship does take time: time to get to know each other, time to build shared memories and time to invest in each other's growth.

to be frank, im glad i've found them to share my lifes, thoughts, feelings and frustrations. they are my soul secret; the ones i share my deepest secrets with without worrying about a single a thing; the ones who tell what is right and what is wrong; the ones who try so hard to be on my side when others think so low of me. for that, i thank you girls.

because of them, i finally realised that in true friendship, unconditional love develops; and i love them.

maybe i should start to take things slow. maybe i should not just care about myself; i can change the situation but i cant stop others from saying what they like. maybe i should start realizing that all eyes are on me; those eyes that long to dig some dirty secrets from me which in the first place never exist. i don't know; i just need some distance away from people, so that they'll know that im not up to some bad deeds.

but girls, thanks for being those understanding ones. thanks for making me realise that not everyone thinks the way i think. and girls, i think im starting to get things back on track. =)

you never know what im feeling right now after what others think of me; yet i couldn't fathom why i was quite uneasy. i couldn't help feeling that all eyes were on me with questions and disgust, secretly looking at how im falling apart. those feelings are funny but you don't know how disturbing it is to me. ultimately, it hurts me even though i know that all i have to do is look on the bright side.

then again, time i stop being miserable for no good reason. im not going to live for them, but for myself.

i don't know if i should just confront you or pretend everything is perfectly fine. when everytime i feel like opening my mouth to talk things out with you, there's always something to remind me why i shouldn't. i don't want to trigger any complications and misunderstanding, that's the last thing i need from you (really). but it just hurts to think that you're doing this to me.

i don't know if you're being forced or you just chose to willingly open your mouth. but which either way it is, i don't blame you. i chose to give you my precious thing that is my trust and i chose you among all my other friends; why, you ask. i have no answer to that question.

my friend, please don't do that to me again will you?

..and today is such a hot day that we cab back to school after a heavy lunch at nurul's aunt's house. wait, tell me my face don't look any close to a monster because nurul's niece couldn't stop crying everytime he glanced around the house and happened to land his ohsobig eyes on me.




& i hope you can convince me enough that you will not rake up the past and hurt me again.

yesterday night was cute. momma couldn't stop going around the house asking who's birthday is it today; and dad just had to spoil everything by asking the exact same question back to her. okay, so dad is so bad at remembering things, we don't blame him but luckily he remembers his anniversary. oh wait, or is it because his anniversary is a day after national day thus making him easier to remember? it doesn't matter, though.

as much as any teenagers get excited upon their upcoming birthday, my mom just showed us the childish side of her. i guessed that explained why she hugged me the moment i reached home and kissed me on my forehead when i fall asleep while watching television; she wanted us to remember that today is her big day! but i doubt so. i mean, she's the best momma and she loves her daughter every single day without a reason.

so to my dearest momma, happybirthday!

here's a lil note for my mom: for 20years, you have been showering all your three daughters with so much love and care that we don't dare to ask for more. the way you educate us, the way you raise us, everything is so perfect. if ever you were rewarded 10cents for each time you shower us with love, you would be rich enough by now. and mom, i could have probably compile all the things you have done for this family and turn it into a guidebook for new moms out there. we may be mischievous at times; ignoring all the those nagging moments; cross over the curfew you set on us; leave all the housework to you and more, but you know we don't mean to hurt you. and at times, we forgot that we've hurt you. we're sorry.

we'll make it up to you today, mom. promise.

+++++

on sunday was the fantastic day, where four bloggers met up at town for a kickass time. i could have sworn that we clicked to one another so instantly; without further introduction. i couldn't stop laughing upon hearing niniee's voice for the first time over the phone and in person for i-don't-know what reason. really, it was like asking to be kicked in the teeth you know. love, your hair is gorgeous la. =)

we stopped by People Paper (shab's one love shop) and went gugugaga over their stuffs. i don't know if all the stuffs there are worth the price, but i think shab somehow convinced us that the stuffs are too good to sit in the shop all day. those butterfly wands reminded us of those girly fairy tales we once fancied about. like, wow!

settled at Cahaya for our early dinner. the dinner wasn't all about food, it was all about a mixture of jokes, stories and laughter. we laughed even over the slightest joke we could came up with and goodness, we left the place with four bulging tummies; gross but undeniably satisfying. not forgetting the toilet moments which was equal to cam-whore moments. if cameras have hands, they would have slap us right at the front of our faces. and by now, you should know what happens when girl meets mirror.

i wasn't lying, did i?

mccafe is a must for us. dolly dolly stuff, huh? once we set our butt there, the camera was finally put to good use again. okay, so we tried so hard to focus especially my niniee. good view, huh? hee!

walked around aimlessly around town and funny how we actually made a u-turn the moment we realized we're heading to nowhere. stopped by in front of Taka and boy, shab was dragged to belly dance at the tapestry event. so she thought she made a fool out of herself but we thought otherwise okay! after which, we immediately left the place and headed to Orange Julius where we bumped into my lil boy cousin, ciko. you should look at my loves, they went: eh eh that's your cousin right? no, you don't go there! call him here. menjeng-menjeng ya kamu-kamu sekalian! and my sweet niniee just had to go: eh, im older than him too what. why didn't he kiss my hand too? =)

so this should make you girls smile, right menjeng-s?

walked all the way to Phoenix just to let aisha pampered herself with Famous Amos. that girl must be crazy when she took the walkway all by herself, jumping and skipping around with the Famous Amos bag in her hand. make way people, make way for aisha! hahaaa. then shab told us her unglamorous fall; my god, can she not make me laugh till i cry? i swear i felt like rolling on the ground and laughed my hearts out. if only there's no such thing as behave, ha!

chilled at a place recommended by niniee. how come that place is soo romantic? there's only the four of us and we actually tried to do the belly dance with Hips Don't Lie blasting off from shab's phone. what's next? rompe? hahaa..and that's when niniee tied my hair for me, darling sweetheart you! i felt so pampered if you must know. gee!

preetyboy came later to pick me up. so love, what do you think of my preetyboy? talkative right? told you!

saying goodbyes are not fun, but we had to. loves, thanks for the hugs! oh yes, niniee gave me my ten hugs. awwww!

muchLOVE!

as promised, here is a collage of Dinner & Dance 06.

and here are two pictures of our Sunday outing.

finally, say hello to the lunching babes today. nurul the evergreenians (somehow evergreen sec sounded so green? haha), thank you for the meet-ups. much much appreciated la!

but anyway, the bekal and bakal sounded cool huh? hee!

i don't regret spending $30 on the new top; a white knitted cardigan. so freaking chic la, really.

& the night was spent with the love. it has been two days of hell, i don't want to feel the heat again; just the warmth will be perfect. =) i know, we can mend things and work things out. because we both know we do love each other still, very much.

oh boy, i love snuggling up to you and play with your nose.

after spending the harmless night alone, i realised i can't do good without his sweet calls. i realised im still attached to him, cause part of him in me just refused to go away and vanish into thin air. he's never good in the master "art" of boys; who come and go as they like, treating the girl like some kind of..okay you know, whatever. so he's just different, that's the whole point.

we're still in the middle of working things out, although it tends to hurt halfway through. "strong girls don't go away and cry, they stay to work things out".

&strong girls still whisper sweet nothings in the boy's ear. yes, i love him; i still do.

right now, im torn between regret and guilt all the same. i shouldn't have open my bloody mouth and said a little good morning; i should just stick to pretending that idontknowyou. yet again, i don't see the reason why we need to spit on that thick wall and make things even worst. afterall, im still a human; with feelings and emotions. in case you have forgotten, i have two eyes to look around, a nose to smell, a mouth to talk and say atleast a hello and ofcourse, a heart to feel the surroundings.

i wont give up halfway; i will go on till i can scrap that kerek face of yours and sink your ego real deep below. i will change you for the better and i will make you understand that girls don't just blindly follow the boys' words. and that girls have a heart, just like boys do.

well said.

quite frankly, actually i don't know where to begin.
all i know, i Y him. goodday!

if you must know, im feeling emotionally low. i don't know what is still left for me, what's there in store for me. im really afraid to face up; to look at everything and smile, pretending everything is on track.

i tried to get the basic message across but it just didn't reach you. i tried so hard to hold on to everything but it just came falling apart; shattering into pieces and leave me all alone to pick up the broken pieces. i tried to forgive &forget; to get back on my two feet and walk on, but i can't. i tried to hold on to the good old times we once had, but all it reminds me is how deep you've hurt me. i tried and still am trying, but i cant see the point in trying. frankly, no one gives a shit.

as i sit and read those words, i couldn't help holding back my tears; yet i didn't want people to know im sucha pussy. those strength and courage that i once had, where have they gone to? when i look at you, all those words that i longed to share it with you suddenly got stuck at the back of my teeth, refuse to come out. but when you're away, there's like sooo many things i want to share it with you till i don't know where to start/begin. do you even have any idea how much you mean to me?

maybe god has it all planned; for me and you. i won't argue much, but i just want you to know that ego doesn't bring you to anywhere far. in years to come, i don't want to be the one who tell our children about their ego father.

looking through all the pictures of me and you, i cant help thinking and feeling as if they're laughing at me, mocking at me; as if they conspired with god to make me feel more heartpain.

i know your true self will be back in a week or two; i wont keep lying to myself that i don't love you, because i do.

& i want to be the last one to tell you that i love you more than anything else.





all i want is you to change for a better person, will you do that for me?

im so worn out that i could almost fall asleep even when im standing. yes, that bad. saturday morning was my lesson with a tuition kid. please don't ever make me come early in the morning like 8.30 again; i left the house like a zombie with an empty stomach, mind you. headed to the polyclinic next to get myself checked up. ive been feeling sick in the house lately that i even feel like sleeping in the clinic so that i don't have to make my way there if everytime i need medical attention, ha!

and my pills are pilling up for goodness sake! and i hate the thought of swallowing pills after pills for a merely twenty minutes (for 5 pills to be exact). pills aren't my bestfriend; even if one day i feel for suicide, i won't stuff myself with pills and make that disgusting white foam comes out from my mouth. it's bloody hell to kill yourself unglamorously, hahaa! but trust me, my religion don't recognise suicide, so fear not. =)

the doctor said it was due to the fever virus that my stomach is making noises. she included that it wasn't any sign of pregnancy, oh right, even if you don't include that, i wasn't even near to thinking that im pregnant. like hello, *insert your own khkadkjjfalf*. so, there you go.

later at night was the hip moment; dinner and dance at Swisotel. i wont dare to ask for more; everything is so perfect. the served foods were sumptuous (!!!) but i missed out the last dish cause i was too full and furthermore, it didn't taste that good. hmm..but i love the last part - dance. i was totally amazed at how lil ayun managed to fit herself in any genre, like funny shit la.

got home at 2am and was feeling so lethargic.

on sunday, we accompanied the little one to far east to search for her cheongsam which she will be wearing it on Friday for racial harmony day. fun right? yeah, after much searching and whining, we finally came across the perfect one; black colour. pretty little thing, i must say.

headed down to Shaw House for our dinner. can someone please kill me for ranking McDonald on top of other fast foods? like seriously, i love Mac to the core la! then the little ones made noises, wanting to drop by Esplanade for Baybeats 06.

Baybeats 06 went pretty alright although i think people were dressing up too much just for a gig like that. and those unnecessary vulgarities that they threw at security guards were too rude to be true. security guards were out to do their duties, you think they enjoyed being on duty at esplanade? let's just put it that way, shall we? hmm..

we made a move after we found out that everything was too boring and after we felt as though we've been fried like chicken wings. i hate sweats; they sucks.

back at home, i was feeling really low after being shunned away by my little one. you know, sometimes you should see the great side of me, like all the things that i've done for you or the weekends that i've put aside just for you and our little madness with town. but at times when you really need my help to get something done for you and im not available, please don't show me that attitude. you know im busy and that i will help if i could, right? but the attitude you gave me just went to show that you're not grateful for all the things that ive done for you and im hurt somehow. yes, you should notice that. but anyway with my utmost regret, sorry i cant get that cheongsam changed for you. =(

on another different note, mum actually agreed with me taking up hairdressing after my graduation which is sooo cool okay! for once, i get to do things that i enjoy and most importantly, with my mum's, friends' and boyfriend's supports. i promise i wont let you all down (but after i graduate la). and so, niniee, i need your help to get me started can? =)

p.s: i bought a new 'Kiss Me' boxer and im contented!
p.s.s: pictures will be up pretty soon, promise.
p.s.s.s: i love my preetyboy very very much!

as promised, here are the outdated pictures of the teksters. if you could, excuse all those mushy-mushy snapshots. you see, i have this new-found addiction - kissing my girls' hand with the smooch sound. hahaa.

oh well. later at night, preetyboy asked me out and i told him to take me to bugis since i urgently need to buy something from there. settled our dinner over at bugisCafe and boy oh boy, they still served delicious Fish n Chip and it was worth it la. i swear, my stomach was so bloated but lucky me, my black shirt covered the unsightly bulging tummy.

so..with cap or without? but i still love you la boy!

on saturday, the cousin policeman got engaged to a lady worth $*K. oh you don't wish to hear the worth part, really. i almost coughed in front of all unknown faces over at the girl's place when they announced the amount. i was like 'shitt! these people do exist after all.' bah! it was freaking alotALOT sia.

but that's not the thing. the thing is, that was my first day of fever (i thought). i was soo bloody sick that i felt like sleeping anywhere, even if it's under the table. my eyes were so heavy and my head hurts like fuck.

yesterday, i was down with a high fever that reached 39.6 degree celsius. everyone told me to sweat to lose the heat but my body just refused. i felt as though hot steam was coming out from my skins. it was so hard that i almost told dad to send me off to the hospital, just in case i need special attention. haha, ya right. worst, i went to Far East yesterday knowing that i was down with a high fever. and i felt useless, cause my whole body was shaking real bad and i felt so cold and i wished i was at home with my bed.

got home at 8, took a really nice warm bath and off to bed. at 10pm, i was awaken by lil sis' shocked voice: omg, kak! your body's so warm!. so that little one went to the kitchen and made a small basin of iced water to wipe my body. how sweet. at 3.45am, i woke up again only to find the room filled with a beam of light from above me. i looked up and saw a green field with guys in white and blue running after a ball. my goodness, the little one was watching a soccer match for real? i joined in ofcourse, and so italy won the match. oh yes!

early this morning, my body refused to go to school so i took an mc. that's real okay cause i vomited while in the toilet for my morning bath. preetyboy was sweet enough to accompany me although he has school to attend to. but one thing i felt like doing, i felt like taping his mouth for talking nonstop when i was at the verge of vomiting and collapsing. grr. but anyway, thanks for taking me to New York Pizza. =) afterall, who says sick bird don't crave for food.

and one important fucking notice, after collecting my beloved phone on Friday, it died again on me on Saturday morning. what the hell? im going to ask for a new phone, i mean what's warranty all for right?

and im freaking pissed off..