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Sunday, April 24, 2005 3:54 AM ;||*wish upon a falling star*|| Fer one thing im sure rite now, I screwed on my eating. I ting I got gastric or wadeva it may be. I can't eat cos half of de tyme, I'll rush to de toilet to either vomit or u-noe-wad. n it's getting freaking frustrating. At one moment, my stomach will crave fer sooo many food n at another moment, it'll vomit out everyting dat I ate. Wad e heck is happening to me??! And my mind is in mess. Totally. I dunno wad im up to. Gawd!! Fer once please help me get out of dis messy jungle. Im stuck n lost!! Ppl are alwas waiting fer their lovestory to begin n me, im waiting fer somebody to back out n gif me peace. Not him though, n also not him. So, dere's 2 him. My life is farking messy! Mayb some words are betta left unsaid. Not words, feelings maybe. Boys boys n boys. Alwas making promises, but again n again, dey're broken. Should I jus listen to wadeva his feelings r or should I just put it aside since I onli take him as a fwend?? I duno.. Deep down inside, im confused wif my own feelings. How can I luv another person wen my heart is alreadi in luv wif fahn?? Naive n crazy u may say I am. Yes indeed. He's driving me crazy. I watched ppl around me laugh, smiled n giggle. I laughed, smiled n giggled too. But dey don't noe im in a mess. Mayb im e one who create dis mess so im e one who will clean up de mess. But how??!! How am I eva goin to start to clean it up?? Wad if de mess become worst. Or betta still wad if I left more prints behind?? I didn't wan to gif him so much hope n pls pls pls don't wait fer me even if it's two years or more. Im serious wif fahn n I wun let ppl get in btw us. atleast fer now n foreva. U may let out all ur feelings towards me, say dat u luv me, say dat u miss me, say dat ur heart is stucked to mine. Say wadeva u wan bcos I cant return dem back to u. but I will treasure all e words u once said to me. I don't want to leave u brokenhearted, so it's best if we just stay as fwends. Who noes wen u were sayin all dose ohsoromantic words, u're drunk?? U drink, I noe dat. Im reallie suffocating. Here I had a communication breakdown, dere I had a total mixture of feelings. Im in total shittee!! I cried everynite, waiting fer miracle to happen to me. waiting fer an angel to come by n sit bside me on bed, telling me dat everything gonna be alrite. But none of dat happened. So wad exactly im waiting fer?? I dunoo.. If u were me, wad would u do if u had to leave someone whom u regard as ur bestest guyfwend?? Someone who reallie cares abt u?? or wad would u do if he leaves u, saying dat he dun wan to mess up ur life?? I dun wan him to leave, yet I dunwan him to mess up my feelings n my lovestory. The question is still left unanswered. Because im in a mess n my mind is blank. Sometimes wen u tink u haf everything else in the werld, u dun realise dat u're mssing something. And sometimes wen u tink dat u haf all e ppl around u to care fer u, u dun realise dat wen u're in dilemma, u had onli yourself. U'll feel lonely. How I wish a miracle will happen n an angel will come by... That's It For Today. Goodbye.
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